Sorry i havent updated my blog in so long. Life has been so hectic here. Two weeks ago a group of 20 came in from VA and NC. Mainly minors around the age of 16 to 18. They were some of the most beautiful young adults i have ever met. So on fire for their faith and ready to serve Christ in any way which is what we are called at Christians to do through our Baptisimal call. They reminded me alot of myself then and it was so fun to be around... they brought me so much joy!
Our first few days with them were spent getting ready for the neighborhood missions. Lots of organization and preperation go into every detail of these missions and it takes alot of dedicated people to pull it off. We planned a weeks worth of activites for 6 six for child. youth. and adults.. needless to say it was alot of work, but any work done in Gods glory is worth it. While on our mission we had a heated run-in with a evangelical minister who tried to convince us the Catholic Church was started in 300 AD by Constatine...totally trying to convert us. But anyways.. we did house visits and prayed for so many broken people.. it was beautiful.. one of our teams teams spent a day praying over a man who was on his death bed and had been there for weeks if not longer.. they prayed with him all day anything they could.. rosaries, the works.. and the next day they got word he got up and had coffee with his family the next morning.. now thats powerful.
One of my favorite things we have done lately is work at one of the boys orphanges here (Granja). One of the midterm HONDURAN missioners that is with us (Josue) lived there for 7 years and he and i have become super close. So everytime we go there my heart breaks because that was his life and it makes it more than just a visit to an orphange. Also the fact that his younger brother is still living there. They have some of the most beautiful guys there with down syndrome. One guy who is probably 14 was found when he was a baby and the garbage dump here. His name is Howie and he is so precious and always smiling. Im sure whoever put him at the garbage dump wanted him to died their but he beat the odds and is so full of life and joy. Granja has become one of my special projects here and i am planning a big fun project for them to do next weekend.
The mission that we did last weekend was really beautiful but extremely sad. During our medititaion prayer time I would like of the pain and brokeness that everyone I met that day felt. It was extremely powerful and moving but very difficult. I met some of the most spiritually rich and beautiful people that would give anything for their relationship with Christ.. and then I almost met people who have been so wounded by faith and through different asapects of their life that they couldnt accept any sort of help or prayer.. That was by far the hardest for me. ..Please pray for the people here! they need it so badly. They are so broken.
So the calling we have here is to have pure hearts and be Saints. That is the life and attitude we try to live by here and it is hard at times, but when you find something you love and are passionate about, it is all worth it. And living in community is definitely not the easiest thing to do but I have gotten close to some many people here. The Hondurans that live here at the house have truly become my brothers and sisters.. I dont want to think of life without them. I dont want to leave them. They have challenged me and made me grow. They are so beautiful. We are all called to be Saints in our own lives and set an example for those around us. Here in Honduras we are creating heros for the future here. Kids sound in their faith that are going to lead the next generation here. Its so powerful to watch and really moving.
It the states we are so afraid of silence and i have really felt that while i have been here. We spend 3-4 hours a day in prayer.. and for someone who isnt good at being quit it is quite challenging at times,. So i am learning to grow in love of silence and prayer and also to notice the little people that i come into contact with. And also learn how to be (small) to be unnoticed. For example, do chores for Gods glory and hope no one notices it but just do it to bring glory to God because thats all that matter at the end of the day.. Everything we do should be a reflection of how we want to give glory to God.
Something really cool that we do here is go to Mass at the Franscian Friars friary and hang out with them... they are some of the coolest men i have ever met.. in 2008 i became super close to one of them and now i am becoming close to these. I have nicknames for some of them.. Gangstaa Fry, Brother P, and G-money.
Some night we go to the top of Casa Gudalupe which is the main Catholic apostolic center here that looks over our neighborhood and we take a massive flashlight and spotlight people ... it is the most clean fun one could ever have. I feel sneaky doing it but then i think about how i am with a Religious brother and think how cool it is that we are doing something kinda bad and i LOVEEEEEEEE IT!
Also I have become EXTREMELY close with the Missionaries of Charity here (Mother Teresas order) they are so amazing and such an example of Mary.. You talk to them and you are like omg Hello Jesus, hello Mary.. Total celebs here.. one day i asked to take a pic with the after mass so i could remember them forever and they told me that i should just join them so i would be with them forever haha.. so thats three times since ive been in Honduras that nuns have challenged me to religious life.. Is God telling me something ? hahah
During my prayer time here I spend alot of time reflecting on where God was at certain times in my life.. the good times and the bad times.. Since i have been here i have brought to surface wounds in my heart that i didnt even know where there. It has really challenged me to go deeper. I have been feeling my moms father who died when i was youngers, presence... and also bringing to surface that I never knew my dads parents or brother.. That surfaced one night during Adoration and my heart literally was burning in pain.. I never thought about how much that affected me until it surfaced.. I am still working through those broken parts but not just kicking it aside like i have done my whole life.
On a lighter note, THANKS TO ALL MY SPONSORS!! yall made this all possible and its because of yall lives are being changed.. so praise God for yall. My mom sent me here with tons of toliet seat coversss... but the thing is where i would need to go to the bathroom on missions there is not actual toliet.. just holes of glory in the earth.. so thanks mom but next time i will have to bring to seats hahaha!
My spanish has gotten alot better and i work as a translator here but then i get super lazy with my spanish because i like to talk fast so when i dont have much time i speak in spanglish ... so i have gotten use to pure spanish and to cold showers.. they arent that bad anymore.. although i would like a hot shower, i am just grateful for running water (real talk).
So life here is just so different and its hard to find hope in such brokeness but there needs to be hope. In one town we worked in there is an extremely strong Catholic mens group.. They are true gentlemen to their wives and bring them to church and are family men which is unheard of here in Honduras.. We mainly just work with broken women who have been hurt and abused by men. .. 75% girls before the age of 13 here have been sexually abused. So to have strong men sound in their families and faith is soooo beautiful to see.
The best way i can describe what we are doing here is if you can remember those commericals you see of the kids with no food or clothes and the people asking for donations and what do we usually do when we see commericals like that????? We usually change the channel because we dont care or its just hard for us as wealth Americans to face the reality of the poor in the world.. well what we are doing is we are not changing the channel.. We cant change the channel here. It is a daily fight here.. because it is so mentally hard to be around such brokeness.
We are about to start planning for our next team to come in... They come in July 21 which is a week from today and a day before my 21st bday!! We have to prep all the arts and crafts and dramas for the week again which is alot of work so that is what we will be doing this up coming week! During all of that we have social work, Catholic Evangelization in our neighborhood and we do tutoring for kids in our neighborhood for a few hours a week.. so we stay busy.. I also have to write two talks for the next mission.. A talk on Chasity and The love of God! Pray for me cause i dont like to give talks.
OH! and i broke my toe this week.. that was really exciting! i ran into the stove and my right foot 4th toe was caught on the leg of the stove it was bad.. i went to the hospital and he said it was broken but theres nothing you can do for a broken toe haha its just really ugly. And I cant play hard core soccer with Latins anymore.. so it sucks.. I really love playing soccer with them.. I played a game of soccer on a huge field and it was beautiful with the mountains in the background.. it was perfect and i almost scored.. twice!
I´m not ready to go home.. I feel like this is my home. I am discearning coming back for a year or two.. Living here just feels so right.. I am happier here than i have ever been.. Sometimes i feel like i cant do stuff right here but that it just because i am learning and growing.. but through all of that i am becoming a person who i am okay with being... I feel my life has meaning and worth something here. I am so grateful for my life in the states but since i was little i felt like i was being called to something so much more and i have definitely found that calling here in the brokeness and poverty of Honduras.. Being small and making a difference in anyway i can by bringing laughter and smiles to the broken and loving on the babies here.
This quote really describes my life here right now...
"Though she was young, she was no timid child. She was curious about things. She liked to ask questions... She had a quick mind and she paid attention, picking up phrases of the language, learning how to cook rice and eat with her hands... It intrigued her, the land and the mystery. She loved the thatched roofs and the naked children, the wonderful simplicity of village life. Her eyes seemed to glow; she couldn't get enough of it. She wasn't afraid to get her hands dirty, in fact sometimes she seemed fascinated by it. Not blood and gore so much, but the adrenaline buzz that went with her job, that quick hot rush in your veins when you had to do things fast and right. She didn't back away from ugliness; she was quiet and steady. There was a new confidence in her voice, a new authority in the way she carried herself. She could look at you with this little smile in her eyes and she was lost inside herself. Lost inside the country and the people and the sadness and the joy. She was the poverty. She was the land. She was still that innocent bright eyed girl from a land far away. But now, she was on fire."
This is so beautiful.. its about loving and being ready to love....
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone -- to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God, to a Christian says, "No, not until you are satisfied and fulfulfilled and content with living loved by Me alone. I love you, my child, and until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me -- exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing -- one that you can't imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to bring it to you. Just keep experiencing that satisfaction knowing that I am. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you... You must wait. Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look around at the things others have gotten or that I've given to them. Don't look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to Me, or you'll miss what I want to show you. And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any would ever dream. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready, I am working even this very minute to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and with the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me...and this is perfect love. And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with Myself. Know that I love you utterly, I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied." - St Anthony of Padua
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